Sexual Relationships

By Tammy Nelson

Falling in love is easy. That’s why we call it “falling” and not “climbing.” We fall in love – sometimes we even plummet into love.  Falling in love is an emotional bungee jump, an adventurous free fall into the unknown depths of imagined romance. 

It’s only later that we realize, “Oh, wait, what was I thinking?”

In the early phases of romantic love, everything feels easy. We are excited to see our beloved. We think about them often. We desire them sexually. And sometimes we feel like we can’t get enough.

At some point, the fall seems to slow down. Maybe it even stops. For some of us the ground rushes up fast, and we slam into the hard cold reality of real relationship. Our partner doesn’t always adore us. We don’t always feel cherished. Sometimes they annoy us. And sex isn’t as spontaneous and passionate as it was during the free fall stage.

The relationship moves into a more settled place and sometimes we wonder whether we are still “in love.” When the sex is different, the highs are not as high, and the attraction is not the same, does this mean that we are no longer in love? What happened to the passion?

Long-term relationships are not necessarily a death sentence for love and desire. These phases of partnership are normal and common to everyone. Sexual excitement and passion are part of a conscious relationship, where a shared vision of connected, intimate partnership is part of the “work” of couple hood.

Commiting to the erotic part of your relationship means honoring your sexuality and creating sacred space to keep a partnership awake and alive.

Just as in the early stages of relationship when we seek to know our partner intimately, we can continue to increase the depth of erotic connection. Much of the delight in the early phases of relationships comes from the discovery of our partner. Remaining curious about your partner, learning ways they receive pleasure, and what they desire, can renew those early feelings of “falling in love.”

Passion can be a conscious choice at any phase of your relationship. Through conscious dialogue and a commitment to growth, couples can have the passion and love they desire.

Assignment: Sex Date

Make a date with your partner for sex. Sex dates are an important part of creating spontaneity and special time in your relationship. It shows commitment and intention to your partnership, and adds a caring and more erotic element to your connection. And, ironically, spontaneity only happens when you plan it!

Pick one night a week and know that you will have some type of sexual contact, even if you don’t feel like it in the moment. Sometimes arousal comes before desire….don’t wait for the desire to hit. You are creating an environment where desire can flourish, once it is aroused.

For more information or specific exercises to do on Sex Date night, the book Getting the Sex You Want by Tammy Nelson is available on Amazon.com Or go to www.passionatepartnerships.com for order information.